Once it gets dark, the cry fest begins for me. Not sure if it's because its gloomy outside and K and I both need sunshine or if I know I won't get a night's sleep like I used to. but, nevertheless, the cry fest commences between 4-8 every night.
I found this article the other day and it stuck with me.
To the Mother With Only One Child
by Simcha Fisher Thursday, January 19, 2012 7:00 AM Comments (410)
Dear Mother of Only One Child,
Don’t say it. Before the words can even pass your lips, let me beg you: don’t say, “Wow, you have nine kids? I thought it was hard with just my one!”
My dear, it is hard. You’re not being a wuss or a whiner when you feel like your life is hard. I know, because I remember having “only one child.” You may not even believe how many times I stop and reflect on how much easier my life is, now that I have nine children.
All right, so there is a lot more laundry. Keeping up with each child’s needs, and making sure they all get enough attention, is a constant worry. And a stomach bug is pretty much the end of the world, when nine digestive tracts are afflicted.
But I remember having only one child, and it was hard—so very hard. Some of the difficulties were just practical: I didn’t know what I was doing, had to learn everything. People pushed me around because I was young and inexperienced. But even worse were the emotional struggles of learning to be a mother.
When I had only one child, I truly suffered during those long, long, long days in our little apartment, no one but the two of us, baby and me, dealing with each other all day long. I invented errands and dawdled and took the long way home, but still had hours and hours to fill before I would hear my husband’s key in the door.
I cared so much what other people thought about her—they had to notice how beautiful she was, they had to be impressed at my natural mothering skills. I obsessed over childhood development charts, tense with fear that my mothering was lacking—that I hadn’t stimulated her enough, or maybe had just passed on the wrong kind of genes. I cringe when I remember how I pushed her—a little baby!—to achieve milestones she wasn’t ready for.
I lived in terror for her physical safety (I once brought her to Urgent Care, where the doctor somewhat irritably diagnosed a case of moderate sniffles) fearing every imaginable disease and injury. In my sleep-deprived state, I would have sudden insane hallucinations that her head had fallen off, her knees had suddenly broken themselves in the night, and so on.
My husband didn’t know how to help me. I didn’t know how to ask for help. My husband had become a father, and I adored him for it. My husband got to leave the house every day, and sleep every night. He got to go to the bathroom alone. I hated him for it.
When I had only one child, I told myself over and over that motherhood was fulfilling and sanctifying and was filling my heart to the brim with peace and satisfaction. And so I felt horribly guilty for being so bored, so resentful, so exhausted. This is a joyful time, dammit! I should enjoy being suddenly transformed into the Doyenne of Anything that Smells Bad.
I loved my baby, I loved pushing her on the swing, watching squirrels at the park together, introducing her to apple sauce, and watching her lips move in joyful dreams of milk. But it was hard, hard, hard. All this work: is this who I am now? I remember!
So now? Yes, the practical parts are a thousand times easier: I’m a virtuoso. I worry, but then I move along. Nobody pushes me around, and I have helpers galore. Someone fetches clean diapers and gets rid of the dirty ones. When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night for the ten thousandth time, I sigh and roll my eyes, maybe even cry a little bit for sheer tiredness—but I know it will pass, it will pass.
It’s becoming easier, and it will be easier still. They are passing me by.
I’m broken in. There’s no collision of worlds. We’re so darn busy that it’s a sheer delight to take some time to wash some small child’s small limbs in a quiet bath, or to read The Story of Ferdinand one more time. Taking care of them is easy. It’s tiring, it’s frustrating, but when I stop and take a breath, I see that it’s almost like a charade of work. All these things, the dishes, the diapers, the spills—they must be taken care of, but they don’t matter. They aren’t who I am.
To become a mother, I had to learn how to care about someone more than I did about myself, and that was terrible. But who I am now is something more terrible: the protector who can’t always protect; the one with arms that are designed to hold, always having to let go.
Dear mother of only one child, don’t blame yourself for thinking that your life is hard. You’re suffering now because you’re turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone. For what? Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left.
When I had only one child, she was so heavy. Now I can see that children are as light as air. They float past you, nudging against you like balloons as they ascend.
Dear mother, don’t worry about enjoying your life. Your life is hard; your life will be hard. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing it right.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Kingston Lake Berry arrives
Kingston Lake Berry was born on January 9, 2012 at 7:11 pm. He was 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 21.5 inches long.
Mommy and Daddy had a long labor of 14 hours but were so happy to see that sweet face and hear those first cries!! Mommy was full of emotions and almost let herself be a crazy lady - but the nurse, Krista talked her down and daddy never left her side and kept praising her. After only 30 minutes of pushing we saw our sweet miracle of God for the first time. WOW, what a flood of emotions!!!
Shortly after birth - Nana, Mimi and Papa Lee came to meet you and they feel in love instantly. No one could believe you were here and were SO handsome!
These are a few of the pictures from the hospital stay:
Heading home:
Your first night getting ready for bed:
Poor baby has jaundice and we had to get you a bilirubin blanket for you to sleep on ;( Mommy cried and was so worried about you. Daddy said you looked like a little fancy buzz light year, we all laughed!
Nana wrote mommy a sweet note later the night you were born:
Congratulations to you and Cody! So proud of you and what a handsome son you two have made. GOD has truly BLESSED us with perfect babies:) As I watched you today, the strength that you showed and the woman that you have become I am so proud to be your mother:) Love you!
Daddy wrote the sweetest note to you and mommy still cries every time she reads it:
A vow & prayer to my son…
Little did I know, on the day I spoke these words, that almost 4 years later I would find those same words to hold so true for you. As I said to your mother, with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, I say these words to you now in front of God, family, and friends.
I take you, Kingston Lake Berry, to be my son, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ‘till death do us part…
May the guiding hand of God hold you in his palm; May he give you the strength to endure life’s most precious and virtuous trials that lay ahead.
With all of the love in my heart, you will forever be my son, my life, my all…
To the moon and back,
Dad
Daddy wrote this while mommy was working hard in labor:
Ladies & Gentlemen!
It’s TIME!
-(This bout is sanctioned by the Nashville Athletics Commission and Co-sponsored by Centennial Women’s Center and by the all-natural, maximum strength Boudreaux’s Butt Paste!)
-We are going 5 rounds for the undisputed light weight birthing championship of the world!
-Introducing first, the champion, fighting out of the bed…This woman is the light of my life and holds a professional record of 12 wins and 1 loss (to her husband).
-She lays down at 5 foot 8 inches tall (she claims 5’9), weighing in at an undisclosed amount…
-Fighting out of Nashville, Tennessee and the current champion of the house, She is Jaclyn “The King’s Mama” Berry!
And now, introducing the challenger:
-Fighting out of the womb, this boy is a wrestler.
-He holds titles in both kicking and making his mother sick.
-Weighing in at a guesstimated 7.5 lbs. and roughly 21 inches long.
Ladies & Gentlemen…
-Presenting the reigning, defending 9 month Uterus champion of the Octagon!
-He is his mother’s son…
Kingston "The Rumble in your Tummy" Berry!!!!!
Round 1 begins…stay tuned
Daddy's thank you to everyone for the thoughts and prayers:
To all of our Frienamily (french for friends & family),
Jaclyn and I are so blessed to have you all immersed in our lives can't wait for Kingston to know you as we do. And I know to the dismay of many, we just couldn't pull the trigger on naming him Blue Ivy, as did our close friends Jay Z & Beyonce. We teetered on Green Ivy, after Wrigley Field. Though, the little hulk that he is, he just wasn't green enough ;)
Mama & Kingston are doing fantastic! We are getting ready to pack it up and introduce the little BoSox to Big Papi's pad! Beware of his eyes ladies...they are pure seduction! Of course he obtained those from his mother.... but, the moves, he gets from his daddy...Stay tuned for the "Mini Me Booty Roll!"
We love you all!!
Thank you for your well wishes, love, and support!
Mommy and Daddy had a long labor of 14 hours but were so happy to see that sweet face and hear those first cries!! Mommy was full of emotions and almost let herself be a crazy lady - but the nurse, Krista talked her down and daddy never left her side and kept praising her. After only 30 minutes of pushing we saw our sweet miracle of God for the first time. WOW, what a flood of emotions!!!
Shortly after birth - Nana, Mimi and Papa Lee came to meet you and they feel in love instantly. No one could believe you were here and were SO handsome!
These are a few of the pictures from the hospital stay:
Heading home:
Your first night getting ready for bed:
Poor baby has jaundice and we had to get you a bilirubin blanket for you to sleep on ;( Mommy cried and was so worried about you. Daddy said you looked like a little fancy buzz light year, we all laughed!
Nana wrote mommy a sweet note later the night you were born:
Congratulations to you and Cody! So proud of you and what a handsome son you two have made. GOD has truly BLESSED us with perfect babies:) As I watched you today, the strength that you showed and the woman that you have become I am so proud to be your mother:) Love you!
Daddy wrote the sweetest note to you and mommy still cries every time she reads it:
A vow & prayer to my son…
Little did I know, on the day I spoke these words, that almost 4 years later I would find those same words to hold so true for you. As I said to your mother, with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, I say these words to you now in front of God, family, and friends.
I take you, Kingston Lake Berry, to be my son, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ‘till death do us part…
May the guiding hand of God hold you in his palm; May he give you the strength to endure life’s most precious and virtuous trials that lay ahead.
With all of the love in my heart, you will forever be my son, my life, my all…
To the moon and back,
Dad
Daddy wrote this while mommy was working hard in labor:
Ladies & Gentlemen!
It’s TIME!
-(This bout is sanctioned by the Nashville Athletics Commission and Co-sponsored by Centennial Women’s Center and by the all-natural, maximum strength Boudreaux’s Butt Paste!)
-We are going 5 rounds for the undisputed light weight birthing championship of the world!
-Introducing first, the champion, fighting out of the bed…This woman is the light of my life and holds a professional record of 12 wins and 1 loss (to her husband).
-She lays down at 5 foot 8 inches tall (she claims 5’9), weighing in at an undisclosed amount…
-Fighting out of Nashville, Tennessee and the current champion of the house, She is Jaclyn “The King’s Mama” Berry!
And now, introducing the challenger:
-Fighting out of the womb, this boy is a wrestler.
-He holds titles in both kicking and making his mother sick.
-Weighing in at a guesstimated 7.5 lbs. and roughly 21 inches long.
Ladies & Gentlemen…
-Presenting the reigning, defending 9 month Uterus champion of the Octagon!
-He is his mother’s son…
Kingston "The Rumble in your Tummy" Berry!!!!!
Round 1 begins…stay tuned
Daddy's thank you to everyone for the thoughts and prayers:
To all of our Frienamily (french for friends & family),
Jaclyn and I are so blessed to have you all immersed in our lives can't wait for Kingston to know you as we do. And I know to the dismay of many, we just couldn't pull the trigger on naming him Blue Ivy, as did our close friends Jay Z & Beyonce. We teetered on Green Ivy, after Wrigley Field. Though, the little hulk that he is, he just wasn't green enough ;)
Mama & Kingston are doing fantastic! We are getting ready to pack it up and introduce the little BoSox to Big Papi's pad! Beware of his eyes ladies...they are pure seduction! Of course he obtained those from his mother.... but, the moves, he gets from his daddy...Stay tuned for the "Mini Me Booty Roll!"
We love you all!!
Thank you for your well wishes, love, and support!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
T'was the Night Before Kingston.......
T'was the night before Kingston, when all through the house
Mommy WAS stirring, and nesting all night.
Mommy couldn't sleep, and emotions were high
Knowing that seeing your sweet face was so nigh.
We couldn't wait to meet you, and hold you so tight
So just for this ONE LAST night
I held my belly and prayed for us all through the night.
Dear Sweet Kingston:
I loved you before you were created. Your daddy and I prayed God would bless us with with a baby and he chose you for us! We are blessed and happy to be your parents on earth to help guide you down the right path. We will always love you no matter what may happen throughout your life. Please know you can come to us at anytime and we will always be there to walk by your side.
Love your Mommy ;)
Your Mimi wrote mommy and daddy sweet messages:
Jackie Michaelis Berry
My Son, Tomorrow, January 9, 2012, your life will change forever and will be richer in so many ways. You have brought such joy to our lives from the day you entered the world. May Kingston learn from you -- your kindness, your laughter, have your warm smile, learn from you to respect parents (as you show us) but may he also have your big heart! Thank you Cody for the life you have given me, the reason I breathe....may the circle now continue unbroken. Onward and upward, remember there is no such word as "can't" ... teach him, guide him and Kingston will be a great son, just like his sweet Daddy! I love you Cody Berry. XOXO, Mama
Jackie Michaelis Berry
To My Precious Jaclyn, Tomorrow January 9, 2012, your new life will begin...your reason to face each day with the strength I know you have in you. You have brought such joy and love to our family in a short time. The love you have for our son is your greatest gift to me. May you be blessed with a son as wonderful as mine. You are a beautiful, strong and wonderful Berry Woman (JBII) and it will serve you well. Move forward...onward and upward and enjoy each and every moment with your son! The circle of life continues and thank you for taking such good care now and in the future of our grandson. My blessings and love are sent to you. XOXO, Mama J
Mommy WAS stirring, and nesting all night.
Mommy couldn't sleep, and emotions were high
Knowing that seeing your sweet face was so nigh.
We couldn't wait to meet you, and hold you so tight
So just for this ONE LAST night
I held my belly and prayed for us all through the night.
Dear Sweet Kingston:
I loved you before you were created. Your daddy and I prayed God would bless us with with a baby and he chose you for us! We are blessed and happy to be your parents on earth to help guide you down the right path. We will always love you no matter what may happen throughout your life. Please know you can come to us at anytime and we will always be there to walk by your side.
Love your Mommy ;)
Your Mimi wrote mommy and daddy sweet messages:
Jackie Michaelis Berry
My Son, Tomorrow, January 9, 2012, your life will change forever and will be richer in so many ways. You have brought such joy to our lives from the day you entered the world. May Kingston learn from you -- your kindness, your laughter, have your warm smile, learn from you to respect parents (as you show us) but may he also have your big heart! Thank you Cody for the life you have given me, the reason I breathe....may the circle now continue unbroken. Onward and upward, remember there is no such word as "can't" ... teach him, guide him and Kingston will be a great son, just like his sweet Daddy! I love you Cody Berry. XOXO, Mama
Jackie Michaelis Berry
To My Precious Jaclyn, Tomorrow January 9, 2012, your new life will begin...your reason to face each day with the strength I know you have in you. You have brought such joy and love to our family in a short time. The love you have for our son is your greatest gift to me. May you be blessed with a son as wonderful as mine. You are a beautiful, strong and wonderful Berry Woman (JBII) and it will serve you well. Move forward...onward and upward and enjoy each and every moment with your son! The circle of life continues and thank you for taking such good care now and in the future of our grandson. My blessings and love are sent to you. XOXO, Mama J
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Week 39 Baby Bump Shoot
KINGSTON News!
How Far Along: 39 weeks
Size of baby: 20 inches long from head to heel, weighing about 7.5 pounds according to the ultrasound on Friday. As bis as a small watermelon...... HOLY COW!!!!
Total Weight Gain/Loss: 1 pounds Total weight gain of 57.
Movement: I feel the him move every day, all day it seems like!
Maternity Clothes: Wearing maternity clothes pretty much all the time.
Sleep: Pretty good once I get to sleep this week. Several 10-11 hours of sleep! But, not for long!
Question/comment of the week: "When are you due again?" "WOW, you've gotten big!"
What I miss: Eating meat & Running!! Oh, and sleeping on my tummy!
Cody'ism of the week: Spending time with each other as much as we can and just cuddling or wandering Target or grabbing dinner out knowing our lives will be forever changed.... for the better!! I also like his sweet FB post from last night:
Cody Berry
Alright son...it's time for you to stop riding the pine and get in the game. Just remember to get the bat off your shoulders and swing away!
I just made my last junk food pregnancy shopping trip. Out of control!!!
How Far Along: 39 weeks
Size of baby: 20 inches long from head to heel, weighing about 7.5 pounds according to the ultrasound on Friday. As bis as a small watermelon...... HOLY COW!!!!
Total Weight Gain/Loss: 1 pounds Total weight gain of 57.
Movement: I feel the him move every day, all day it seems like!
Maternity Clothes: Wearing maternity clothes pretty much all the time.
Sleep: Pretty good once I get to sleep this week. Several 10-11 hours of sleep! But, not for long!
Question/comment of the week: "When are you due again?" "WOW, you've gotten big!"
What I miss: Eating meat & Running!! Oh, and sleeping on my tummy!
Cody'ism of the week: Spending time with each other as much as we can and just cuddling or wandering Target or grabbing dinner out knowing our lives will be forever changed.... for the better!! I also like his sweet FB post from last night:
Cody Berry
Alright son...it's time for you to stop riding the pine and get in the game. Just remember to get the bat off your shoulders and swing away!
I just made my last junk food pregnancy shopping trip. Out of control!!!
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