Reflecting

Today, like most days, I have been reflecting about the roller coaster of emotions we have been through in the past few months. First, was the first time we were told we could not have babies on our own. It was gut-wrenching. I just remember sitting in the parking lot for hours (it felt like) sobbing. The upside of the roller coaster happened when we were told the numbers were better and things looked up. We left that appointment on cloud 9 just ecstatic and actually celebrated with a nice dinner and talked about our future family and smiled for days. That is until the we went for a consult with the doctor and were told once again that we could not conceive on our own. Apparently, the numbers were mis-read by the nurse. Once again, we were devastated.

Cody had to leave this appointment early, so I found myself alone unable to control my tears. I sat at the park for over two hours sobbing, watching kids play and thinking to myself how jealous and envious I was. I talked to a close friend, my mom and my mother-in-love and I still felt lost.

I was upset when I would see mom's with their kids and I would have to remove myself from the situation. I heard other people say that before and always thought "Geez people, get a grip" But, one of the many life lessons I have learned is don't judge another until have walked in their shoes. The other life lesson was told to me by our fabulous IVF nurse, Jennifer. I went to a doctor appointment one day, and I told her I saw a pregnant woman in the parking lot as I was walking in and just started crying. Jennifer's response was "you have no idea what her journey was to pregnancy." That has really stuck with me.

Sometimes I wonder if those days will ever leave my memory? And other days I want to remember them so when my future kids are not sleeping at night or throwing a fit in the store; I will remember how blessed I am to have kids. Each one of those days still feels as though it was yesterday. The heartache is indescribable and I don't wish that pain upon anyone.

But, I keep repeating "HE won't bring us to it if HE won't bring us through it" That has been a great mantra for me.

The start of a new journey . . .

Well, I guess its official that I am now a blogger since I am typing my very first post . . . woo hoo!! ;) My initial goal of this blog is to use this as a tool to help myself sort feelings and to journal the events that are about to occur in our life! Cody and I are one of the many unfortunate couples - which is 1 out of 6 -couples who will face infertility issues. This blog is to let our family and friends know of our journey and to one day in the near future (fingers crossed) follow our family as we grow!

Our journey started in August of 2009 with the hopes of starting a family quickly. After several months of trying - yes charting and spreadsheets were in the mix for those of you who know me so well; we decided to seek medical advice. In December 2009, we went to my OB and discussed our charts and a plan of action as to explanations for us not having conceived by now. She sent us to a specialist and after several months (six to be exact, but whose counting?!) of appointments, many crying sessions, and one scare of a possible tumor; we have made the decision to proceed with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) to start our family.

Cody and I have been brought closer together as a couple throughout this entire painful and extremely stressful process. But, the end result will be worth it . . . a beautiful baby!

Yesterday we started our oral medications, and this Sunday marks the date for the first shot! I plan to blog about the process and the ultrasounds along the way. Sharing all the wonderful news as we receive it as well!!

With all that said . . . . we are on our journey!