So, I have been pretty at peace the last 5 months (hence the non-blogging) with the fertility drama. However, I could not turn my brain off on Wednesday night and finally fell asleep at 3am to only be wide awake by 6am. Why you ask?! Fertility!!!
In my wee hours of research I found three fertility grants that we are now applying for as well as made an appointment with a new fertility clinic for another "take" on things. So, April 22 we will be heading to St Louis for a consultation, and a long weekend ;)
We are looking forward to talking to the new doctor and setting out a plan of action. And I hope I leave with "HOPE". I am praying that in December or early January the funds will be there to finance another round of IVF.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Great Article
I got this from a friends blog...and I just loved this analogy... which reflects many of our feelings through this infertility/adoption journey on which we are on.
By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column:
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait--and wait--and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. (Isn't that the truth!) You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are about to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
By Diane Armitage printed in the April 21, 1995 "Dear Abby" column:
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait--and wait--and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair!"
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By BOAT!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. (Isn't that the truth!) You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are about to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea is so easy."
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know God blessed you with a special appreciation of Australia, and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there, but in the place itself.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Research, phone calls and paperwork OH MY . . . .
Cody and I have been talking over the last month in depth about adoption. We have weighed options on doing another round of IVF vs adoption, and feel strongly about adoption and have decided to investigate. We both feel as though we are meant to be parents and our hearts are open to whatever God's plan may be to making us parents.
We have meet with several couples who have adopted and done lots of research. I spoke with several agencies and have started a "master spreadsheet" with agency fees, medical expenses, legal expenses etc
One factor that weighs heavily into every decision regarding infertility is finances. While IVF is cheaper then adoption, the chance of success is far less then adoption. We have brainstormed lots of creative fundraising ideas and are ready to implement those once we pull the trigger. We plan to do a Chick-Fil-A friends and family night, design a t-shirt and sell those and possibly a Krispy Kreme fundraiser too.
The research has somewhat consumed me, but it is all so exciting. The definite possibility of having a baby in our home in the next year is thrilling!!
The next step is to meet with an agency and discuss a homestudy. Once we have done that, we will officially pull the trigger and everything will start at once. Meaning fundraising, fundraising, and fundraising. We will also start to make a scrapbook profile for potential birth mothers to review.
We will keep everyone posted on the journey; and I plan to update much more often while we walk through the adoption process!
We have meet with several couples who have adopted and done lots of research. I spoke with several agencies and have started a "master spreadsheet" with agency fees, medical expenses, legal expenses etc
One factor that weighs heavily into every decision regarding infertility is finances. While IVF is cheaper then adoption, the chance of success is far less then adoption. We have brainstormed lots of creative fundraising ideas and are ready to implement those once we pull the trigger. We plan to do a Chick-Fil-A friends and family night, design a t-shirt and sell those and possibly a Krispy Kreme fundraiser too.
The research has somewhat consumed me, but it is all so exciting. The definite possibility of having a baby in our home in the next year is thrilling!!
The next step is to meet with an agency and discuss a homestudy. Once we have done that, we will officially pull the trigger and everything will start at once. Meaning fundraising, fundraising, and fundraising. We will also start to make a scrapbook profile for potential birth mothers to review.
We will keep everyone posted on the journey; and I plan to update much more often while we walk through the adoption process!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Options . . .
Cody and I are looking into several options regarding becoming a parent. Adoption is one of those options. I am going to meet a friend of a friend for lunch today, Leah. She adopted a cute little boy Lucas about five months ago. Tomorrow Cody and I are meeting another couple, Cheryl and her husband for dinner. Cheryl runs the adoption awareness program at a local church and has also adopted.
I am excited and curious to learn more about adoption to see if it is a viable option for us. We are opening our hearts and are excited about whatever way God chooses to bless us with parenthood.
I am excited and curious to learn more about adoption to see if it is a viable option for us. We are opening our hearts and are excited about whatever way God chooses to bless us with parenthood.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
HOPE
Hope is my new word! ;)
I am hopeful that I WILL be a mom one day.
I am hopeful that I will continue to be blessed in life.
I am hopeful that the pain will get easier.
I am hopeful that my load will feel lighter.
I bought a sign last week while we were at the beach and put it on my shelf at work that faces my desk. Whenever I get teary eyed I can look up and see that hope is on the way ;) Cheesy . . . . why YES, but does it make me feel better . . . . definitely!
I am hopeful that I WILL be a mom one day.
I am hopeful that I will continue to be blessed in life.
I am hopeful that the pain will get easier.
I am hopeful that my load will feel lighter.
I bought a sign last week while we were at the beach and put it on my shelf at work that faces my desk. Whenever I get teary eyed I can look up and see that hope is on the way ;) Cheesy . . . . why YES, but does it make me feel better . . . . definitely!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Complete Devastation
Last Thursday was our blood work for the pregnancy test and it was negative. I've never felt so numb and lost in my life. Thank goodness we were at the beach with my family and had their support and had a shoulder to cry on.
Cody and I have different ways of grieving and it took a little more time for the full effect to hit me (which is usually not the case). I woke up Friday morning and it hit me, really hard. I cried uncontrollably and snuggled with Cody. He is such a sweet and amazing person! I had an unsettling feeling from the transfer day. As much as I didn't want to admit it; I just felt in my heart that it wouldn't take from that point on.
This week was the family vacation in Destin and it was very stressful. My poor dad, felt terrible and I took him to the ER, he has cellulitos. We got about three days of beach time between the ER, rain and our doctor appointment and bad news. I am hoping that my dad starts to feel much better. I need both my parents for a VERY long time!! ;)
As sad as I am about leaving the beach, I am ready to get back to normalcy and the GYM!! I am not looking forward to hearing all the questions about IVF and how did it go?!? I want and appreciate all the support and prayers but I'm really not wanting to talk about anything right now. Not how I feel, how sad I am, not what the plan is, not anything.
God is putting us through this for a reason and I am praying for strength to understand that reason. We are meeting with the doctor in the next week to discuss options and where to go from here. I will continue to blog and eventually whatever way we are blessed, we will share the news of our family!
Cody and I have different ways of grieving and it took a little more time for the full effect to hit me (which is usually not the case). I woke up Friday morning and it hit me, really hard. I cried uncontrollably and snuggled with Cody. He is such a sweet and amazing person! I had an unsettling feeling from the transfer day. As much as I didn't want to admit it; I just felt in my heart that it wouldn't take from that point on.
This week was the family vacation in Destin and it was very stressful. My poor dad, felt terrible and I took him to the ER, he has cellulitos. We got about three days of beach time between the ER, rain and our doctor appointment and bad news. I am hoping that my dad starts to feel much better. I need both my parents for a VERY long time!! ;)
As sad as I am about leaving the beach, I am ready to get back to normalcy and the GYM!! I am not looking forward to hearing all the questions about IVF and how did it go?!? I want and appreciate all the support and prayers but I'm really not wanting to talk about anything right now. Not how I feel, how sad I am, not what the plan is, not anything.
God is putting us through this for a reason and I am praying for strength to understand that reason. We are meeting with the doctor in the next week to discuss options and where to go from here. I will continue to blog and eventually whatever way we are blessed, we will share the news of our family!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Sad news
Yesterday I got the phone call from the doctor that none of our embryos were viable to freeze. I was beyond devastated. I can't describe the feeling I felt knowing that IF the ones that were transferred do not take we will have no more 'chances.' It was very upsetting and I felt like I was in a fog all day.
I worked about five hours. This was my first time back to the office since last Wednesday when they did the egg retrieval. And to make things more fun, we moved offices on Friday. So, I came back to several boxes that needed to be unpacked, 117 emails and 13 voicemails. Needless to say I was not in the right state of mind to be working. I drudged through what I could and then went home to rest.
Our sweet neighbors Brent & Kelly had us over for dinner. Thank goodness because I would not have cooked and poor Cody was starved! ;) We ate with them and watched the "Ella Show." She had us laughing so hard! And she said my name for the first time! Well, she said "ACCCKKK" which means Jac! They have impeccable timing in helping to lift our spirits! True friends are hard to find, and they are the best!
Onward and upward . . . praying that things will fall into place and if they don't, praying that God gives me the strength to get through the rough times!
I worked about five hours. This was my first time back to the office since last Wednesday when they did the egg retrieval. And to make things more fun, we moved offices on Friday. So, I came back to several boxes that needed to be unpacked, 117 emails and 13 voicemails. Needless to say I was not in the right state of mind to be working. I drudged through what I could and then went home to rest.
Our sweet neighbors Brent & Kelly had us over for dinner. Thank goodness because I would not have cooked and poor Cody was starved! ;) We ate with them and watched the "Ella Show." She had us laughing so hard! And she said my name for the first time! Well, she said "ACCCKKK" which means Jac! They have impeccable timing in helping to lift our spirits! True friends are hard to find, and they are the best!
Onward and upward . . . praying that things will fall into place and if they don't, praying that God gives me the strength to get through the rough times!
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