What this weekend could have been . . . .

As I sit on my couch on a quiet Sunday afternoon, Cody is asleep; I begin to cry thinking of what this weekend could have meant for both of us. Our due date would been April 18, 2011 had we of conceived with IVF. I am crying not only because I am sad, I am crying because, as silly as it may seem, I feel like I am mourning the loss not only of the one child that we could of had but the ten children that we could of had. (the doctor retrieved 10 eggs during IVF)

I am so blessed to have my health, a husband who loves me 'to the moon and back', a job I love, friends that are caring and compassionate and a family that has been by my side and unwavering through this roller coaster of emotions. Yet, I am still crying.

I have 5 days until we leave to see the new fertility doctor and it can't come fast enough. We still have a very long road until we reach enough in our savings to try again for IVF; but the thought of having a plan eases the pain. I am hopeful this new doctor will give us positive news and help us start our family that we both so desperately want.

Now, off to dry the tears and try to find things to fill my time for the afternoon.